Today’s essay is not about politics, although a skein of the “apology” culture is rooted in the same phenomenon. Instead, I want to consider a phrase that drives me batty.
For the last ten years or so, an increasing number of my routine business inquiries seem to be met by an initial apology, whether this response has anything to do with the inquiry, or not. There are variations on the phrase, but each leads lead back to the idea that someone I don’t know immediately is apologizing to me, most often for “my inconvenience.”
Case in point: I made a call this week to a children’s clothing company I rather like. I asked a rep named Amanda whether the store was still routinely issuing discount coupons to account holders. She replied immediately with a scripted “I apologize for your inconvenience.”
What inconvenience? I made a choice to initiate the encounter. I wanted to know if they still issue coupons. Maybe in a different inquiry I would be pointing out a problem like a sweater that fell apart within the first five minutes. But it would be a solution I seek, not a bath in faux-emotions of apology.
The word apology goes back to the Greek apologeisthai: “to speak in one’s defense.” Therein lies the noun apologos—an account or story—which is built from apo (away from, off) and logos (word or speech). An apology is meant to be serious business. An apology is what you issue after accidentally running over your neighbor’s cat. It’s what you send your children to do after they behaved badly at a birthday party. It is what you do when you unintentionally let out information that was not yours to reveal.
The pro forma business apology, thankfully, is coming under some scrutiny. One business writer I found is calling the phrase a “non-apology.” Another is encouraging companies to ditch the wording and replace it with a more empathetic, even if equally pseudo-sincere, phrase like “I’m sorry about. . . .” Okay, that’s some progress, particularly if the customer brings up something that warrants being sorry.
But wouldn’t it be better if customer reps could respond with phrases that had real meaning? Phrases that they decide, based on each situation, determining what might be the best response? Would it not be grand if today’s business interactions could be freed from an underlying fear that an offended customer will sue the company if things fail to go his or her way? In such cases, boiler-plate apologies are going to be useless anyway.
Here’s my prayer:
Now I lay me down to sleep;
I pray the Lord that . . . somehow . . . we will wake
Freed of the crippling post-modern concept of being “endlessly offended.”
And, yes, I also pray the Lord my soul to take.
Here’s what I do know. You who do me the honor of reading these essays decided long ago not swim in the stream of perceived verbal offense. You choose to guard your words from jargon and ideological banter. You seek to intensify your own knowledge with life-long learning and throw your hearts into helping your children care about language. You do everything within your power to help them become careful, thinking, competent adults who stand a chance of acting as trusty stewards of their language, their culture, and their faith.
So, maybe together we can find a way to help beleaguered customer-service agents and call reps move beyond the mandated “I’m sorry that you were inconvenienced.” Maybe we can help businesses rediscover time-honored phrases like: “What seems to be the problem?” or “How may I help you?” Companies might even re-institute wording like “Glad you came in today,” “Thank you for your business,” or “Come back and see us,” consigning a phrase like “Have a Great Rest of the Day!” to the jargon heap.
What do you think? Shall we start a movement?
Reminds me of Stanley Marcus, who detested those tired phrases, so he had a standard reply to “Have a nice day”. He would say, “No thank you, I’ve made other plans”.
Best from Big D.
Love you.
Victor
Very on point! I believe this is a time for making our words convey what we mean and not to just speak a phrase that offers words of response with no meaning of the understanding of the request. Perhaps there was a some underlying reason for these kinds and f remarks.
This is very timely for me! As I seek to communicate kindly and effectively with customers I have been choosing my words carefully.
“I am sorry you are experiencing difficulty.” or “Let me help you resolve this problem.”
And of course the Chick Fil-A standby, “My pleasure!”.
Thanks for another great post 😊
I love your prayer!
What do I think? Thank you for modeling inquiry to your readers. Since I’m reading Dallas Willard’s book Renovation of the Heart, I say we do what this book & many of his other writings suggest. He’s well acquainted with the classical teaching of the Roman Greco world AND the movement, or rather the world wide revolution, that the Lord Jesus Christ brings to each of us. A renovation of the human heart would likely remove a whole lot of ‘batty’?! 😁😊
Awesome prayer! Thank you for this! I thoroughly enjoy your posts.
I fully agree with you that a scripted apology is useless. Unfortunately, this is how large corporations have chosen to deal with the issue of hiring either uneducated workers or those who are not fluent in English. They don’t trust those employees to be able to formulate an appropriate response to the situation on their own, so they provide them with a script. You can almost hear them reading it off a page. Even as an ER nurse, I have worked at hospitals that try to script what I say to patients. I refuse to do it. I have a college degree and a brain. I’ll think and speak for myself.
As someone who works in customer service, that phrase drives me nuts!
If someone has a question, answer it without apologizing.
If someone has a complaint, say “let’s see how we can make you happy”.
After taking care of the customer, apologize if appropriate.
People don’t want apologies up front, they want their questions answered.
I’m sorry if I took up too much space.
That’s a very interesting thought! I admit the “sorry for any inconvenience” never bothered me—it seemed very polite & caring. I suppose that may have to do with me being a Canadian, though. ;)
Wow! An eye-opener for me. After reading this, I realized how often I begin an email with “I’m sorry …” Thinking back I realize now most of the time it isn’t needed.
I definitely agree the apology syndrome has started because of the so many being offended by so little.
Thank you for a great and honest post.
Love the prayer! Good thoughts for me to consider for my own business.
Yes!! Let’s start a movement!! Count me in
Great thoughts. I believe our “allegro” pace of living makes it necessary for businesses to cover all the bases and assume there is going to be a complaint on the other end of the phone. Let’s all slow down and enjoy the words we have to say coming from our own brains. I’ll join the movement!
Good thoughts