Fathers

Tradition calls for the father of the family to light the fourth candle in the Advent wreath today. On our minds therefore is the subject of fathers.

For many children, the presence of father at home during this extraordinary year has been a blessing. True, dad may have been perched at a desk for long hours, trying to conduct a normal workday. But he was home. And that meant that children could be showered with dad’s presence in daily activities such as making a sandwich together at lunchtime or having his help lifting a bike off a rack in the garage.

For other children, the presence of dad at home has meant something quite different: an endless series of weeks witnessing dad’s and mom’s horror as their livelihood sinks down the drain.Decades of hard work in a family business or on their jobs have vanished before their eyes. A once stable household sits at the edge of disaster. And the children can do little more than quell their own tears as the parents wring their hands.

For still other children, an enormous number of children, a father has never, or only rarely, been part of the household. The statistics here are staggering and disastrous. We all know them and the societal nightmare they have brought to us.

So today, as the fourth candle gets its long-awaited flame, let us pray for the institution of fatherhood. And pray ardently! Yes, there are glimmers of hope on this front. Certain voices of truth-telling have started to arise in our media and proclaim the obvious: the irreparable damage done to children who lack a solid and responsible father. We can commit to amplifying that message in every way possible (and there are things we can do).

Meanwhile, today, we are given a marvelous role model of fatherhood in the person of Joseph, the husband of Mary. He is admired to this day for his willingness to discern Mary’s real circumstances and respond to divine directives, all of which ultimately kept the child Jesus safe and flourishing.

With so much focus on Jesus and Mary at Christmastime, St. Joseph is often forgotten, though. In fact, the nickname “St. Joseph the Ignored” is not far off the mark. The Gospels tell us little about Joseph. We know that he was a “just man” before he grasped the circumstances of Mary’s pregnancy. He intended to deal with the matter quietly. But upon learning in a dream that Mary was to bear the Messiah, Joseph became the classic example of obedience and faith.

In paintings of the Nativity, Joseph is shown at Mary’s side or in the background. That is the perfect spot for him at this point in Jesus’ life. In some artistic renditions, there is no depiction of Joseph. In fact, I have a childhood memory of, more than once, someone forgetting to unwrap Joseph from the “nativity-scene” box. Ultimately someone else would yell “Where’s Joseph?” and we’d go and find him. Perhaps you remember something like this happening in your family too.

But Joseph’s role shifts to a primary one when he heeds that dream, scoops up his little family, and flees. Artists latch on to precisely such circumstances and have given us a heritage of paintings showing both the decisive dream and the Holy Family’s fantastic and dangerous journey.

In Rembrandt’s rendition of Joseph’s dream, we see the moment where the angel gave Joseph the command to flee. In an era where dreams were an acknowledged means of communication, Joseph surely was shocked and disoriented! Yet his obedience to this dream saved Jesus’ life.

How lovely it is, then, to pair this work by Rembrandt’s work with a different painting that shows Joseph rewarded by the risen Christ. In fact, the painting’s title calls the moment a crowning (coronation).

Equally compelling to me are paintings wherein artists examine both Joseph’s role in raising Jesus to be a responsible Nazarene boy. We are given few details for that narrative, which means artists can create scenes freely as they wish, such as Jesus catching his first fish, learning how to stoke a fire, or gaining his carpentry skills under Joseph’s watchful eye.

Joseph likely was the main person to teach Jesus thousands of things a boy needs to know. Children without fathers dream of precisely those moments—experiences that can never be replaced when dad is not there to guide them. So, again, as we celebrate this final Sunday in Advent, let us remember fathers as well as those who try to fill the role of fathers: grandfathers, uncles, coaches, band directors, neighbors, and even older brothers. Every child, girl or boy, needs this masculine wisdom and support.

Children, no matter what their circumstances in a home, have a growing hope in their hearts as Christmas Eve approaches. They may describe that hope in terms of toy wrapped in paper. But we adults know the gift each child longs for and needs: the strength, guidance, and comfort of a stable family.